How to Respond when observing Inappropriate Sexual Behavior of a Child or Teen
If you become aware of any "Uncommon" inappropriate sexual behavior of a child or teen, stop and think, before you react. When you first notice or become aware of your child's behavior, your initial response is vital as it sets the foundation for ongoing communication and relationship between you and your child, and the potential for successful treatment. Keeping calm is the key.
To help in keeping yourself calm however, as a parent or caregiver, if you become aware or find a child or teen behaving in a sexual way that is concerning, you must first accept and understand how it will make you think and feel. The following thoughts and feelings are common among a parent or caregiver but remember in the best interest of the child or teen, it is how you respond, not react, that will provide the best benefit.
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You might think
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You might feel
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What not to do:
As a parent or caregiver, when you notice sexual behaviors in a child or teen, it sometimes is not easy to stop and observe what is happening and can make one react in a negative way. Never:
- React by yelling or screaming
- Appear chocked
- Laugh
- React in a way that can make the child or teen feel ashamed or embarrassed
- Use language that could label the child or teen in a negative way such as "pervert" or "sex offender"
- Ignore the behavior
- Assume that sexual abuse has happened
- Assume that sexual intercourse has happened
What to do:
If you learn of or observe the child behaving sexually in an inappropriate "Uncommon" manner:
- Remain calm - A child is learning and exploring as they grow and often do not understand that their behavior is wrong or even why they are behaving in this manner. So the way you respond will affect how the child will learn how to cope and understand their behavior. Responding in a calm manner will reduce any immediate shame, anger, anxiety or confusion about their behavior.
If you find a child engaging in these behaviors, calmly ask them to stop (get dressed, etc.), then calmly:
- Distract them with another activity (depending on their age)
- Make sure you do not make them feel ashamed or embarrassed
- Talk with them about their behavior, including personal boundaries and privacy
Discretely, document the behavior by writing down (never use this information as punishment)
- Action or behavior
- Content or media sources
- Date
- Time
- Frequency
Need help?
- If you feel that the child or teen is in danger, call "911".
- If you are a parent or caregiver and this is your child:
- Talk with your child's pediatrician, or
- Call Stop It Now at 888-773-8368
- For teens, contact Teen Line
- Call 800-852-8336, or
- Text TEEN to 839863
For research or presentation requests, please call 323-491-6197
Reference: Monash Health South Eastern CASA Centre Against Sexual Assault & Family Violence. (n.d.). http://www.ncsby.org/sites/default/files/Age-appropriate-behaviours-book.pdf
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